Women in Church - A Brief Overview

Introduction: According to 1 Corinthians 14:26, the purpose for having an interactive church meeting is for the mutual edification of the saints and not to provide a platform for people to preach false doctrine or engage in protracted debates that can lead to the ruin of the hearers (1 Corinthians 14:26). 1 Corinthians 14:34-35 tells us that the husband bears the primary responsibility to teach their wives at home when they have a question or disagreement about what was said in the Lord's Day church meeting. If further clarification is necessary, they can consult with the elders privately. Thus, the husband's spiritual responsibilities in the home and the importance of directing his wife's questions or criticism to him for the purpose of encouraging him to lead spiritually in the church and the home will be the emphasis of this brief study.

Teaching

The elders of Shepherd's Fellowship have attempted to do some fairly extensive reading and research on the issue of gender roles in the home and the church. This is more technically known as the debate between evangelical egalitarians versus evangelical complimentarians. Evangelical egalitarians hold that the Bible is the inspired and inerrant word of God, but they also believe that the restrictions on women’s ministries found in certain passages in the New Testament are culturally conditioned by that first-century society and thus are no longer binding upon Christian women today. If this is true, then Christian women can be pastors/elders/overseers and can do anything else that a man can do because, “there is neither . . . male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” (Galatians 3:28). Some even believe that the command for a wife to submit to her husband is no longer binding, though few hold this position. Complimentarians also hold that the Bible is inspired and inerrant but believe that there are some ministries that are not open to women because men and women have complimentary, God-ordained roles that are gender-related and because of this, they are prevented from serving in certain spheres of Christian ministry. In order to correctly handle the Scriptures, We have attempted to do extensive work on this issue and we have learned that the arguments can often grow very complex and confusing on both sides. After much study, we believe that the clear teaching of the New Testament is that of complimentarianism. We have tried to thoroughly study the two passages that are always the primary focus of this debate: 1 Corinthians 14:33b-35 and 1 Timothy 2:11-15. In this teaching, we will look at these passages and discuss them to determine what a godly woman’s conduct should be in the Lord’s Day meetings. Let’s first look at the issue of a woman being “silent” in 1 Corinthians 14:34-35 during the gathered church meeting on the Lord’s Day.

I. 1st Corinthians 14:33b-35

The two primary evangelical interpretations of this passage are as follows:

1. A corporate abstention - Calling for silence of women in regards to publicly addressing the entire mixed adult congregation during the Lord’s Day church meeting. This silence is in reference to public prophesying (i.e., preaching), teaching, tongues, and other ministries involving public verbal instruction, exposition, and direction from the word of God. Obviously, this would not include congregational singing, laughing, whispering, testimonies, brief, non-instructive edifying comments, corporate prayer, calling down unruly children, etc. An historic representative of this view is the Calvinist Baptist scholar John Gill, who in his commentary on 1 Corinthians 14:34 provides this clarification,

All speaking is not prohibited; they might speak their experiences to the church, or give an account of the work of God upon their souls; they might speak to one another in psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs; or speak as an evidence in any case at a church meeting; but not in such sort, as carried in it direction, instruction, government, and authority. [See John Gill's Exposition of the Entire Bible]

This is the traditional view held throughout church history. All conservative Protestant scholars held this view until 1965. John MacArthur Jr., Dr. James White, and many modern Reformed and Protestant scholars hold this view as well.

2. A partial, limited abstention - Calling for women’s silence in reference only to authoritative teaching and the judgment of prophecies in the context of the Lord’s Day meeting. So, this view teaches that women can give prophecies during the Lord’s Day meeting per 1 Corinthians 11:5, but they cannot judge them because to do so would be to assume an authority that only belongs to the men of the church. D. A. Carson, Wayne Grudem, John Piper, and other modern Reformed thinkers hold this position.

After much reading, thinking, and deliberating back and forth between interpretation 1 and 2, we think that interpretation number 1 makes the most sense given the immediate and far context of 1 Corinthians 14:33b-35. Some commentators conclude that Paul never told all women everywhere in every church to be silent but that he was only specifically referring to the women at Corinth because they were out of order. This would mean that any church located anywhere other than Corinth would be exempt from Paul’s command. Now, if that were all Paul had to say on the subject, we would be willing to join the preachers who say that Paul was simply telling the women in Corinth to be silent, as opposed to all women in all churches of the saints (cf. v. 33b). But, that’s not the end of his teaching on this issue. This brings us to 1 Timothy 2:11-15.

II. 1st Timothy 2:11-15

At the end of his ministry when he was writing from a Roman jail, Paul gave Timothy his last bit of instructions for the care and health of the churches. He wrote, “A woman must quietly receive instruction with entire submissiveness. 12 But I do not allow a woman to teach or exercise authority over a man, but to remain quiet. 13 For it was Adam who was first created, and then Eve. 14 And it was not Adam who was deceived, but the woman being deceived, fell into transgression. 15 But [she] will be preserved through the bearing of children if they continue in faith and love and sanctity with self-restraint.” (1 Tim 2:11-15) This time Paul was clearly writing a rule for all Christian churches (1 Timothy 3:15). The basis of his argument was not heathen temples, priestesses, or deviant rituals. He reached back to the beginning of the book of Genesis before sin entered the world and said that women (Peter’s “weaker vessel”) owed their quiet and silent status in the church to Adam being created before Eve, thus showing Adam’s headship and rule in the family. Even though she is blessed in childbearing (a blessing men cannot participate in), Paul would never allow a woman to openly teach the congregation on the Lord’s Day or exercise ruling authority that was given only to men because it violated the creation order of Genesis 2. Women are to be quiet, receptive learners like all good students and they are to remain silent under certain circumstances. Therefore, this leads us to believe that Paul’s command to the Corinthians was based on his convictions about the church at large, all churches everywhere, and not just a one time instance. Thus, regardless of which interpretation one takes above on 1 Corinthians 14:34-35, the following combined teaching from both passages is agreed upon by all complimentarian scholars:

1. Women are to learn quietly and receptively like everyone else in the church meeting.

2. They are to recognize the headship and authority of the men in the spheres of the church and home and put themselves in subjection to that authority.

3. If a woman has a question or concern about a particular teaching, edifying remark, or insight that has been offered by an elder or someone else that she heard during the church meeting or even if she (or he) desires to learn more beyond the normal time required to answer a question during a teaching or Q&A time, then she should avoiding debating publicly with the teacher and instead ask her husband at home since he has the obligation to teach his wife the word.

4. While women can publicly lead in prayer or prophesy (i.e., preach) outside the gathered assemblies on the Lord’s Day, it is shameful for a woman to publicly speak up during the church meeting for the purpose of teaching, preaching, judging, questioning, rebuking, and criticizing anyone’s prophecy, teaching, or edifying comment because to do so is to usurp the God-ordained authority of her husband and her elders per 1 Timothy 2:11-15 and 1 Corinthians 14:34-35. The elders and the adult males of the congregation have the responsibility and authority to openly weigh, test, sift, and judge anyone’s comments by the word of God (1 Corinthians 14:29). A woman’s silence in this regard will encourage the adult males to speak up and exercise their God-ordained responsibility for engaging the truth of God’s word as well as maintain and promote doctrinal soundness and purity within the congregation, thus encouraging them to do so in their homes as well.

5. For a woman to teach, criticize a prophecy or teaching from an adult male in the gathered congregation is a reversal of the God ordained order of things according to Paul [1 Timothy 2:12-13].

6. These ordinances are in accordance with “the Law”, i.e., the Old Testament teaching in Genesis 2:18 and the rest of the Old Testament with its emphasis on male leadership. Finally, it is important to reiterate that all conservative complimentarian scholars agree on these six things regardless of their interpretation of 1 Corinthians 14:34-35.

Naturally, these are not particularly popular doctrines in most churches. Sadly, in most cases, if enough people in a church disagree with God’s word, they simply ignore it and do it their way. But, that does not change God’s word or Paul’s clear instruction. Of course, male elders lead our church, and that’s as it should be. However, the women in our church have been free to publicly speak and participate in discussion and prayer in the past. So, why do we allow our women to speak during teaching, Q&A, and prayer? Well, because we are confident that most of them understand their place in the home and in the church. Our women are silent in regards to teaching, preaching, tongues, prophecy, and weighing prophecies in the weekly Lord’s Day meeting and that is the context in which Paul commands them to be silent. John MacArthur sums up our thoughts on this quite well,

But the underlying thing that I want you to understand here is this, this does not mean that a woman can never under any circumstances speak in a group of Christians. What this speaks to is the women who usurp that, who push themselves in the place of prominence. Remember, God used Miriam to speak a word for Him. God used Deborah and Huldah to speak a word for Him to very important men. God used Anna for scores of years in the temple, speaking of the coming Messiah to anybody who came there. So there's no reason to believe that on the right time and the right place woman can't speak. When Paul traveled on his trips through the book of Acts it says that he went into an area to a church and he dialogio, he dialogued with them out of the scriptures, I believe there were men and women, I believe honest questions could be asked by women in right format and could be answered by the Apostle Paul. I think there was a time and place for women to speak a testimony of phrase to the Lord. I don't think that he's saying that they can never do that. What he is saying is they cannot rise to leadership in the church so that they become the ones who dominate the church with their authority and their teaching and their gifts. There is a place, of course, when it is the right environment and we ask for those to ask questions where a woman has every right to ask a question in a right spirit just as a man does. There is a time when we ask for praise to be offered to God when a woman has every right to praise God just like anyone else does. That's when the preacher or teacher deflects the communication responsibility to his congregation and says I want to hear from you. But that wasn't the issue here. The issue here was interruption. The issue here was usurpation, that's a different issue. [John MacArthur, God's High Calling for Women: Part III]

Usually, the problem isn't with rebellious women as much as it is with the men who are failing to lead spiritually in the home and the church. The Bible also has more to say on the subject than Paul’s particular admonitions to the church. Women have played a very significant role in the spread of the gospel. In fact, the first people to ever preach, “He is risen,” at the command of the Lord were women! (Matthew 28:1-8; John 20:16-18) The ministry efforts of women in the local church is absolutely essential and crucial to the effectiveness of that local church's ministry. Thus, the elders of any church should fully support the idea of organized women study groups (Titus 2 meetings). Women “prophetesses” certainly exist today in the sense that they boldly speak the word of God to other women. It’s great whenever a group of people gather around the Word and glean from its riches; especially when such groups are under the auspices and headship of a male pastor/elder. This can be a healthy part of body life since it does not usurp any authority and it's usually done in homes, not the weekly Lord’s Day meeting. Of course, this isn't the popular view, but any faithful church should be used to that. Most of the theology Biblical churches preach today is guaranteed to be unpopular with the majority of evangelical and mainline churches. Biblical churches must be willing to let them continue down that liberal path, doing those things that please men, while faithful churches will obstinately cling to the clear and obvious teaching of Scriptures.

Conclusion

In conclusion, we will thoroughly study the various interpretations and nuances to determine the mind of God as it pertains to the specific, detailed outworking of those passages in the church and home when we get to 1st Corinthians 11. At that time we will make any changes that are necessary to ensure that we are being Biblical. In the meantime, we will proceed as usual with our teaching and Q&A format, we just want to avoid public debating with the teacher for anyone involved (male or female) and we want to do as much as possible to avoid a situation where the wife or women in our congregation could be perceived as usurping the authority of her husband in the church meeting, thereby shaming him and herself. Most importantly, we want to encourage him to lovingly exercise spiritual servant-leadership in the church and home so that both husband and wife can fulfill their God-ordained roles.

How to Send Your Family to Hell

Do not love the world nor the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. ¹⁶ For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the boastful pride of life, is not from the Father, but is from the world. ¹⁷ The world is passing away, and also its lusts; but the one who does the will of God lives forever. (1 John 2:15-17 NAU)

"Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the way is broad that leads to destruction, and there are many who enter through it. ¹⁴ "For the gate is small and the way is narrow that leads to life, and there are few who find it. (Matthew 7:13-14 NAU)

I want to play Satan’s advocate for a while and teach you how to send your family to straight to Hell. Some of the advice given below will be an almost guaranteed recipe for keeping your family on the broad path to destruction that Jesus warned us about. So listen carefully, because if you are on that broad path already, and you want to send your family to Hell, you may be relieved to find out that you are already doing many of the things necessary to ensure spiritual destruction for yourself and your family.

1. Don’t do anything (James 2).

The Bible says that “faith without works is dead.” (James 2:26) According to James chapter 2, you can say that you have great faith in God, but if you don’t have works, you don’t have true, saving faith, and are not really saved. Thus, you are on your way to Hell. James even says that you don’t have to be an atheist to go to Hell; you can be a religious person that believes in one God and still go there because even the demons believe and shudder! (James 2:19) If that describes you, then congratulations, you, like millions of others in this country, have a demonic faith that saves nobody! On the contrary, the Bible teaches that born-again, heaven-bound people will produce good works naturally because their spiritual natures have been changed by the power of the Holy Spirit. This is called the doctrine of regeneration, and it is the message of Jesus in John Chapter 3. Those who are heaven-bound have been born of God, they embrace the gospel of Christ, and thus, they have been saved unto good works and these good works give evidence that they are truly saved. But if you want to send your family to Hell, don’t have anything to do with pure and undefiled religion (James 1:27).

2. Don’t teach your family the Bible (2 Timothy 3:15; Ephesians 6:4).

God’s word teaches, “. . . and that from childhood you have known the sacred writings which are able to give you the wisdom that leads to salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus.” But if you don’t want them to have the wisdom that leads to salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus, don’t expose them to the teachings of the Bible. Paul told the fathers in the Ephesian church, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4 NAU) The Bible teaches that the primary person who bears the responsibility for teaching and training their children in the things of God is the head of the household, the father. Fathers, if you want to send you children to Hell, don’t believe the gospel yourself, never read the Bible to your children, never learn study the Bible yourself so that you can teach your children what it says, and never pray for the conversion of your children. As a matter of fact, you can spend a lot of time with your children if you want. You can play with them, take them to the movies, take them to theme parks, teach them how to throw baseballs, shoot guns, or go to their dance recitals, just be sure that in doing all those things, you do not to teach them about God and you must not teach them how to integrate God into every area of their lives for His glory (1 Corinthians 10:31). Also, avoid discipling your wife at all costs. Spend time chasing your vain idols so that you can avoid spending time with her in the word. If you wash your wife with the water of the word she will become sanctified and more useful in the hands of the Living God (Ephesians 5:25-29). If she is an unbeliever, you don’t want to get her angry with you by trying to give her the gospel. After all, preaching the gospel to your unbelieving spouse might bring division into your family. Jesus said it well, "Do not think that I came to bring peace on the earth; I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. ³⁵ "For I came to SET A MAN AGAINST HIS FATHER, AND A DAUGHTER AGAINST HER MOTHER, AND A DAUGHTER-IN-LAW AGAINST HER MOTHER-IN-LAW; ³⁶ and A MAN'S ENEMIES WILL BE THE MEMBERS OF HIS HOUSEHOLD. (Matthew 10:34-36 NAU) If you don’t want division in your family, don’t preach the gospel, and don’t teach your family about God when you walk by the way, when you sit down, and when you rise up (Deuteronomy 6:6-9). Don’t teach your family the Bible and you will almost guarantee that they will go to Hell.

3. Encourage worldliness in your family.

Make sure your family loves the world and the things in the world so that the love of the Father will not be in them. Usually, if you have done the first two things I have already mentioned, worldliness naturally follows. After all, Jesus said that most of the world is already on the broad path to destruction because they naturally love their sin rather than the things of God. Paul said that “the mind set on the flesh is hostile toward God; for it does not subject itself to the law of God, for it is not even able to do so, ⁸ and those who are in the flesh cannot please God” (Romans 8:7-8). Jesus said that “the Light has come into the world, and men loved the darkness rather than the Light because their deeds were evil. For everyone who does evil hates the Light, and does not come to the Light for fear that his deeds will be exposed” (John 3:19-21). You can even attend church and be religious, just make sure that you let your family closely mirror what the rest of the heathen world does the other six days of the week; and they will receive a consistent, healthy diet of worldliness that will surely land them in Hell.

4. Be inconsistent.

Command your children and the rest of your family to do as you say and not as you do. Tell them to avoid the sins of the world, but go ahead and partake of them yourself. Your children and others in your family will see the contradiction, capitalize on it to undermine your authority, and then follow behind you straight to Hell. Just as God’s name was blasphemed among the heathen in Paul’s day because of the hypocritical Jews, so it will be with your children (Romans 2:17-24). They will blaspheme and curse the name of God if you command them to do as you say but not as you do.

5. If you are religious, be a hypocrite.

Tell people that you love God and then deny Him by your lifestyle, that way, your children and others in your family will think that they can have their cake and eat it too. Better yet, put on your Sunday best, read your Bible, pray at the dinner table with your children, yet consistently be hateful, spiteful, unkind, unloving, unmerciful, heretical, and hard-hearted. Paul gives you a recipe for Hell in Galatians 5:19-21 that “the deeds of the flesh are evident, which are: immorality, impurity, sensuality, ²⁰ idolatry, sorcery, enmities, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, disputes, dissensions, factions, ²¹ envying, drunkenness, carousing, and things like these, of which I forewarn you, just as I have forewarned you, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.” Remember also that Jesus said to the religious hypocrites of His day, "Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites, because you travel around on sea and land to make one convert; and when he becomes one, you make him twice as much a son of hell as yourselves.” (Matthew 23:15) If you do those things, you’ll more than likely guarantee that your family will become conceited, hard-hearted Hell-bound unbelievers just like yourself.

6. Attend a church or practice a form of spirituality that teaches anything but the Biblical gospel.

Remember that I said earlier that part of the recipe for Hell is to practice impure and defiled religion so that you directly contradict God’s word (James 1:27). If you want to be religious, that’s fine; just make sure that it’s impure and defiled religion. That will be your guaranteed path to destruction. It doesn’t matter which denomination or even which religion or philosophy you practice, as long as it contradicts the gospel. God’s word says, “Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world.” (James 1:27) You don’t want to be part of a religious movement that helps needy people in their distress without asking for anything in return and preaches that you are not to love the world and the things in it (1 John 2:15-17). You don’t want to take part in a spirituality that demands daily denial of your own sinful cravings to follow after Christ in obedience to His commands (Luke 9:23-24). If you want to send yourself and your loved ones to Hell, (1) you must be part of a religious movement that helps others who are in need while also expecting to be openly honored and praised by men for meeting that need, (2) you must be part of a spirituality that never demands daily denial of your sinful cravings to follow Christ’s will, (3) you must be part of a religious movement that promotes financial increase, health, wealth, and prosperity at the expense of the gospel of Christ crucified. Jesus said, "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. ²⁰ "But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves do not break in or steal; ²¹ for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. (Matthew 6:19-21) He went on to say a few verses later "No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and wealth. (Matthew 6:24) The apostle Paul told Timothy, “For we have brought nothing into the world, so we cannot take anything out of it either. ⁸ If we have food and covering, with these we shall be content. ⁹ But those who want to get rich fall into temptation and a snare and many foolish and harmful desires which plunge men into ruin and destruction. ¹⁰ For the love of money is a root of all sorts of evil, and some by longing for it have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs. ¹¹ But flee from these things, you man of God, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, perseverance and gentleness.” (1 Timothy 6:7-11) Then Paul said, “Instruct those who are rich in this present world not to be conceited or to fix their hope on the uncertainty of riches, but on God, who richly supplies us with all things to enjoy. ¹⁸ Instruct them to do good, to be rich in good works, to be generous and ready to share, ¹⁹ storing up for themselves the treasure of a good foundation for the future, so that they may take hold of that which is life indeed.” (1 Timothy 6:17-19) If you want Hell for your family, you don’t want to listen to Jesus or Paul. Instead, you need to make sure that you are a money-grubbing idolater who stores up material possessions. Find a church or a religious organization that meets your materialistic desires and you can be sure that you or your family will never hear the true gospel.

7. Don’t examine yourself.

Paul said to the Corinthian church, “Test yourselves to see if you are in the faith; examine yourselves! Or do you not recognize this about yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you-- unless indeed you fail the test?” (2 Corinthians 13:5 NAU) 1^st John 5:13 says, “These things I have written to you who believe in the name of the Son of God, so that you may know that you have eternal life.” Paul instructs the Corinthians to examine themselves in light of God’s word to see if they really are saved. John says that his first letter that there are certain tests that we can take to show whether we really are heaven-bound people. Make sure you don’t read those eleven tests for eternal life in 1^st John. And whatever you do, do not examine yourself to see whether you are in the faith! You want to remain a self-deceived, self-deluded, proud, arrogant, conceited, God-hater so that you guarantee that you, and eventually your family will go to Hell. Examining yourself only keeps you one step further away from your goal; which is to remain an eternal God-hater (Romans 1:30).

8. Marginalize godly people and mock pure and undefiled religion.

You marginalize someone when you deem them unimportant or powerless to bring about change in a society or a group of people. Find anyone in your life that truly models the godliness and sanctification described of a truly born-again, heaven-bound Christian, and then marginalize them; especially if they point out your own sin, if they call you to examine yourself to see whether you are in the faith. If you want to go to Hell, you don’t want godly people around. They’ll preach the gospel to your family and someone might be saved. If you want to get rid of a truly godly person and prevent them from giving your family the gospel; marginalize them by making them look like religious nuts who are actually enemies of the community, enemies of the state, or enemies of rational, educated thought. Depict them in the worst light possible, that way they will be very unlikely to influence your family for the gospel. Your family will go to Hell since they won’t receive the love of the truth so as to be saved because you have made a saint into a complete buffoon (1 Corinthians 1:18-25; 2 Corinthians 4:3-4; 2 Thessalonians 2:10).

9. Promote moralism in your home.

Preach morality without Christ; law without gospel, and goodness without God. Attend a church that wants you have your best life now instead of later. Emphasize the now rather than eternity. Focus on felt-needs rather than spiritual realities. Sit under teaching where you learn that all or most religions are different ways to get to the same god and that God doesn’t damn anybody to Hell, doesn’t have wrath against sin, and doesn’t require justice, and isn’t Holy. In other words, give them a cotton-candy god that tastes great, is less filling, and settles light. Give your family, especially your children, whatever they want as long as the rest of society thinks it’s a good thing. After all, the society you live in has made a god in their own image to suit their own preferences. Preach a heaven without God but one that’s full of golf courses, cotton candy, and perpetual wealth. The key is to give them what they want, not what the True and Living God of the Bible says they need. In sum, preach, teach, and live out Christ-less Christianity. That will almost surely guarantee Hell for yourself and your family.

Conclusion and Application

You may be saying, “But I don’t want any of those things. I don’t want myself and my family to go to Hell!” Indeed, no one wants themselves or their loved ones to burn in the Lake of Fire forever; but friends, if you are doing the above things, you are unwittingly sending yourself and your family to that dreadful place. The Bible warns us about being self-deceived: “Do not be deceived, my beloved brethren.” (James 1:16 NAU) He says later in the same chapter, “But prove yourselves doers of the word, and not merely hearers who delude themselves. ²³ For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks at his natural face in a mirror; ²⁴ for once he has looked at himself and gone away, he has immediately forgotten what kind of person he was.” (James 1:22-24 NAU) The nine things I have listed above describe the average religious person in America. We wonder why our children and our spouses bring reproach upon themselves and us, we point the finger at everyone else’s problems, yet we are often unwilling to even examine ourselves for sin, impurity, and defilement. I say this because oftentimes we are our greatest problem. That is why we must be ready to identify sin and stamp it out; first in our own hearts, and then in the hearts of others. At times, we must be willing to question our motives in any endeavor and ask, “Why am I doing this?” It is then that we must be willing to look into the mirror of God’s word and see what the Holy Spirit shows us. We don’t want to be like that “natural man” who looks at himself in the mirror of God’s word then when he puts down his Bible he forgets what God says about him. So many people are like that. They have prayers on their lips and are dying and going to Hell with a Bible in their hands. If we want to do all that we can to avoid that broad road that leads into the City of Destruction, we must be willing to be hearers of the word, and not merely doers who delude themselves. If you have heard these words today and are convicted of your sins, I beg of you to come to Christ in faith and repentance and receive forgiveness for your sins and life everlasting. God is rich in mercy to all who call upon Him. If your life is heavy-laden with sin, come to Christ, for He is gentle and humble of heart. His yoke is easy and His burden is light and it is only in Him that you will find rest for your souls (Matthew 11:28-30).

Jay Adams on Forgiving others

I was recently speaking to someone about forgiveness and they clearly didn't understand what the Bible has to say about this important issue. The following blog article is written by Jay Adams, the father of the modern Biblical counseling movement. It is an excellent overview of what biblical forgiveness looks like and so I commend it to you.

Forgiveness by Jay Adams

What a wonderful word! Yet, what does it mean? How do you grant forgiveness; and, for what?

As much as Christians talk about forgiveness, you’d think they could tell you all about it. Yet, there is hardly one in a thousand who can give sound, Biblical answers to the questions above.
Forgiveness of others is to be modeled on one’s own forgiveness by Christ: “… forgiving one another just as God, in Christ has forgiven you” (Eph. 4:32).

Forgiveness must be extended to all who say they repent—even if the offense has been repeated (Cf. Luke 17:3). But it is only to be granted to those who confess wrong doing, claim to be repentant, and ask forgiveness (Prov. 28:13). In Mk. 11:25, Jesus tells you to forgive those who wronged you when you pray, thereby avoiding bitterness and resentment (Eph. 4:32). But, that is different from granting the wrongdoer forgiveness. You do that only when he repents.

Forgiveness of others must reflect God’s forgiveness; He forgave you when you repented.

Some unthinking Christians advise forgiving another whether or not he confesses sin. But they misunderstood forgiveness. They urge this to benefit the one who forgives. Yet, it was for your benefit that God forgave you. Their self-centered concept of forgiveness is unbiblical. God did not forgive you until you repented, admitted you were a sinner, and believed. Indeed, even now, when God dispenses parental forgiveness, He says, “…if you don’t forgive men, then your Father won’t forgive your transgressions” (Matt. 6:15).

Some think when Christ prayed from the cross, “Father, forgive them,” He forgave apart from repentance. But Jesus granted no one forgiveness by those words. He was asking God to forgive. Did God answer? Yes. On the day of Pentecost, thousands of those same people were converted, and their sins were forgiven. But, that did not happen apart from the means. Peter called on them to repent and believe in order to receive forgiveness (Cf. Acts 2:38).

Because in forgiving one promises not to bring up the offender’s sin, to him, to others, or to himself, it is not right to forgive before repentance. Jesus requires you to confont an offender (Matt. 18:15ff) in order to bring about reconciliation. If he refuses to listen to you, instead of forgiving him, you must tell one or two others. If he won’t hear them, then you must tell the church. Indeed, apart from repentance, the matter, must be brought up to an increasingly larger number of persons. Why? Through their aid to win the offender. In love, true forgiveness seeks not to relieve the forgiver, but to deliver the offender from his burden of guilt. Out of concern for the other person, the offended party pursues the offender until the matter is settled before God and men. Any bitterness on his part, Jesus said, must be dealt with in prayer. Because forgiveness is a promise not to refer negatively to the offender’s sin any more, it would be utterly inconsistent to forgive an unrepentant person before Church discipline has been successfully used.

People who try to be kinder than God, end up becoming cruel to others. The kind thing is not to focus on relief for one’s self, by forgiving others whether they repent or not, but by every Biblical means to win offenders. It may seem unkind to bring matters up again and again when an offender refuses to be reconciled, but you must do so, not to irritate, but to help relieve him of the burden of his sin. To ignore him and focus on one’s self, saying, “feel better since I forgave Bob, even though he didn’t seek forgiveness,” is the epitome of the modern, self-centered psychological heresy.

Seeking forgiveness is not apologizing. There is nothing in the Bible about apologizing—the World’s substitute for forgiveness that doesn’t get the job done. You apologize, and say “I’m Sorry,” but have not admitted your sin. The offended party feels awkward, not knowing how to respond. You are still holding the ball. You asked him to do nothing. But, confess your sin to him saying, “I have asked God to forgive me, and now I’m asking you,” and you pass the ball to the other person. You ask him to bury the matter for good. Jesus commands him to say “yes,” thereby making the promise that God does: “Your sins and you iniquities will I remember against you no more.” That brings the matter to a conclusion. Apologizing does not.

Is there someone to whom you should go ask forgiveness? Has someone sought it from you to whom you said “Once, yes; twice, maybe; three times, no!”? Perhaps there is someone whom you have never confronted about a matter that has brought about an unreconciled condition between you. Are any of these problems outstanding? Then you have business to attend to. Why not settle the matter today?

You don’t have to feel like it to forgive. Forgiveness is a promise that you can make and keep, whether you feel like it or not. And, it is easier to forgive another—even when he sins against you seven times a day—when you remember Christ’s great sacrifice for you sins by which He forgave you. And, then too, remember how many times a day He forgives you ever since you have become a believer. One other fact may help. If you have truly forgiven, it isn’t the fifth, of the third; it’s not even the second time. If you have truly buried the matter, truly forgiven—it’s always the first.

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Check out Dr. Adams’ book From Forgiven to Forgiving for more information.